01 June
prays for you
For my internship I got to interview the lead singer of Groundation. You can find my article here.
11 May
maui time
Now that I'm in Maui maybe its time for a quick update:scene
Weather is perfect
Starting to surf next week
Boyfriend is wonderful
Just landed an internship at Maui Time
Got a job at Shapers with 30% discount
Miss my friends...
Weather is perfect
Starting to surf next week
Boyfriend is wonderful
Just landed an internship at Maui Time
Got a job at Shapers with 30% discount
Miss my friends...
09 April
chemicals imbalance
I have finally figured out that I need a change of scene if I want to grow as a person. So, I’m moving to Maui on May 4th. Hopefully when I’m there I’ll figure out what the hell I want to do in the next couple of years, because, to be honest, I have no fucking clue. I’ve been feeling really alone here and lost for a couple months now. I’m finishing up my internship (which is going surprisingly well), celebrating Mhandi’s 21st birthday, saying adios to work, and then packing up my room and getting out of Oregon.
10 March
pista
Time for another post, I think. What to post about? Only one more week of this bullshit and then I'm on my way to Maui and into arms of my hunk of spunk. It has been a stressful term and I should be pulling off mostly A's and I will be done with the so-called "training" part of my internship. After next week all I gotta do is teach, which is the fun part. Next term I'm taking all journalism classes except for one multimedia class that sounds pretty awesome. I haven't had much time to myself lately; I haven't picked up my book, a guitar or my camera in weeks. But spring break will change all that. I'll come back here refreshed and ready to hash it through another term.
The roommates have decided that we want to live in this house next year. That's fine by me because I will get the studio. I really love living out here despite the ants and the cold. The ants have been truthfully getting better and the cold is fading away with this wonderful weather. Living here another year will give me a chance to make this studio even better. I want to lay down a new carpet, this one is on it's way out. I'm also thinking about painting a huge mural for one of the walls (the old garage door) because it's framed by wood and is begging for something bright and pretty to adorne it.
Probably figured out that I'm not going to Germany next year. Not even close. Funny how quickly things change, no?
The roommates have decided that we want to live in this house next year. That's fine by me because I will get the studio. I really love living out here despite the ants and the cold. The ants have been truthfully getting better and the cold is fading away with this wonderful weather. Living here another year will give me a chance to make this studio even better. I want to lay down a new carpet, this one is on it's way out. I'm also thinking about painting a huge mural for one of the walls (the old garage door) because it's framed by wood and is begging for something bright and pretty to adorne it.
Probably figured out that I'm not going to Germany next year. Not even close. Funny how quickly things change, no?
06 March
off our faces
It's only when you stop searching that you find what you've been looking for.
03 March
i'll give you your dreams
I’m finally going to declare my history minor tomorrow. Pretty excited about that because winter term next year I’m going to take a writing seminar (where I get to write a huge research paper) about medieval holy women. I’ve also decided to take a history class spring term of this year, along with three journalism classes. I’m taking a break from German. I am also pretty sure I’m going to be a 5th year, which is fine with me. This summer, where ever I end up, I’m going to work alot so I start making some money.
My life has consisted of school and work. Probably like everyone elses. And my internship. I went to the school yesterday and got to meet the teacher and the kids. They are adorable! They seemed really excited that David and I are going to be teaching there in April. I’m also excited but also very nervous. I’ve never taught kids before so I don’t know what to expect. But they seem pretty harmless. I cannot wait till the 19th, that’s when I’m going back to Hawaii! I get to spend almost two weeks there wtih my ….boyfriend. Still weird to say that but I love it. He is such a great guy, I’m so lucky I’ve found him.
I’m thinking about going to Germany over winter break. This year it’s an entire month, which is so awesome. Germany in wintertime is unbeatable and I hope I will have saved up enough money to afford the 500 dollar ticket.
My life has consisted of school and work. Probably like everyone elses. And my internship. I went to the school yesterday and got to meet the teacher and the kids. They are adorable! They seemed really excited that David and I are going to be teaching there in April. I’m also excited but also very nervous. I’ve never taught kids before so I don’t know what to expect. But they seem pretty harmless. I cannot wait till the 19th, that’s when I’m going back to Hawaii! I get to spend almost two weeks there wtih my ….boyfriend. Still weird to say that but I love it. He is such a great guy, I’m so lucky I’ve found him.
I’m thinking about going to Germany over winter break. This year it’s an entire month, which is so awesome. Germany in wintertime is unbeatable and I hope I will have saved up enough money to afford the 500 dollar ticket.
13 February
love actually
Thought I'd post an update. Not much to really tell.
I've been really busy with school and my internship. Work has been going better but I wish I was getting more hours. I've been really confused lately...I don't know. Can't really explain it. That's something I will save for my diary though:) Happy Valentines day (in 20 minutes). Hope you have someone special to spend it with.
21 January
what!?
Marie and I being drunk:
foxfire553: could she get any lamer! i signed onto my other name (verbebna sea 111) wait that's no the wanma i am so fdeurnk. buth either a fucking bith c . i cannot believe i am instant messaging you all this crap this is the lonest tedt messaige of my life. as you an takel, i am so drunk and stoned out of my mind. and it''s great. ok my point was....ummmm i dont rememeeber oh yeah!
Auto response from stzgazr12: out for some sushi and drinks! :-) call the cellular!
foxfire553: i feel good righting..er writing this stuff
foxfire553: hehe
foxfire553: ok im gong to bed
foxfire553: instant message me if you up before i go to my sleep
foxfire553: lol
stzgazr12 returned at 1:31:43 AM.
stzgazr12: hahhaha
stzgazr12: what are u doing
foxfire553: ummm
foxfire553: being drunk?
foxfire553: i dunno but idd oyu drad rhat
foxfire553: wait
foxfire553: did you read that?
stzgazr12: oh shes so cool
foxfire553: what is wrong with me?
stzgazr12: haha
foxfire553: SO FUCKING COOL
stzgazr12: waht!
stzgazr12: so jake was playing thepretend ot be together game
stzgazr12: with me tonight
stzgazr12: and i didnt wanna play taht game
stzgazr12: nad he made me
stzgazr12: it was udmb
foxfire553: lol but you did
foxfire553: what did he do?
stzgazr12: i KNOW
foxfire553: you guys were uunnnyy
foxfire553: funny
foxfire553: i forgot the f as in frog
stzgazr12: it was funny at fist
stzgazr12: then not cool
foxfire553: yeah i know
stzgazr12: dude
foxfire553: no not at the gum
stzgazr12: oh
foxfire553: noo not at the gym at 122 ami am so drunk
foxfire553: lol
foxfire553: i have nevver text this bad in my life
foxfire553: i miss jesse! Blah! Hello?/??? amrie where di you go????
I have no idea!
foxfire553: could she get any lamer! i signed onto my other name (verbebna sea 111) wait that's no the wanma i am so fdeurnk. buth either a fucking bith c . i cannot believe i am instant messaging you all this crap this is the lonest tedt messaige of my life. as you an takel, i am so drunk and stoned out of my mind. and it''s great. ok my point was....ummmm i dont rememeeber oh yeah!
Auto response from stzgazr12: out for some sushi and drinks! :-) call the cellular!
foxfire553: i feel good righting..er writing this stuff
foxfire553: hehe
foxfire553: ok im gong to bed
foxfire553: instant message me if you up before i go to my sleep
foxfire553: lol
stzgazr12 returned at 1:31:43 AM.
stzgazr12: hahhaha
stzgazr12: what are u doing
foxfire553: ummm
foxfire553: being drunk?
foxfire553: i dunno but idd oyu drad rhat
foxfire553: wait
foxfire553: did you read that?
stzgazr12: oh shes so cool
foxfire553: what is wrong with me?
stzgazr12: haha
foxfire553: SO FUCKING COOL
stzgazr12: waht!
stzgazr12: so jake was playing thepretend ot be together game
stzgazr12: with me tonight
stzgazr12: and i didnt wanna play taht game
stzgazr12: nad he made me
stzgazr12: it was udmb
foxfire553: lol but you did
foxfire553: what did he do?
stzgazr12: i KNOW
foxfire553: you guys were uunnnyy
foxfire553: funny
foxfire553: i forgot the f as in frog
stzgazr12: it was funny at fist
stzgazr12: then not cool
foxfire553: yeah i know
stzgazr12: dude
foxfire553: no not at the gum
stzgazr12: oh
foxfire553: noo not at the gym at 122 ami am so drunk
foxfire553: lol
foxfire553: i have nevver text this bad in my life
foxfire553: i miss jesse! Blah! Hello?/??? amrie where di you go????
I have no idea!
16 January
breaking the habit
I'm working on getting some pictures up and then maybe I will update more! I'm taking a photography class this term where I get to work with developing black and white film. I get unlimited access to any darkroom on campus which is pretty neat...obviously I'm very excited about this! And my other classes are in German which rocks my world.
My new years goals? Do what I want to do and don't forget to spend time on things that are important to me (photography, guitar and writing), no matter how busy I become. Find a new job...Abercrombie isn't doing it for me. I want to work at a bookstore! Work my ass of at my internship. No regrets anymore. And I'm eating fish again because I want to! But no red meat ever again, yuck.
My new years goals? Do what I want to do and don't forget to spend time on things that are important to me (photography, guitar and writing), no matter how busy I become. Find a new job...Abercrombie isn't doing it for me. I want to work at a bookstore! Work my ass of at my internship. No regrets anymore. And I'm eating fish again because I want to! But no red meat ever again, yuck.
21 December
all the things i wanted to say
I've never liked moving, even if its only to the studio outside, moving is a pain. My room is so empty right now, it's kinda sad. I took apart my bed, took down all my posters and photography stuff, started on my closet... Hopefully I don't have to work tomorrow so I can get settled into the studio. I need to buy curtains and a space heater and other tidbits.
Since I'm working on Christmas Eve till 8, I get to haul ass to Covallis that night and open presents! Yay! Christmas Day should be interesting since my mom invited my dad's sister and all her kids to spend the day with us. The 26th will find me back in Eugene to check on Milano and then on the 27th I am driving up to Portland with my sister. My plane leaves for Maui on the 28th and I get back on Jan. 4th. I miss the first two days of school but it's worth it to me. I can't wait to see Jesse! I miss him so much. Okay...maybe some pictures when I'm moved into my new ROOM!
Since I'm working on Christmas Eve till 8, I get to haul ass to Covallis that night and open presents! Yay! Christmas Day should be interesting since my mom invited my dad's sister and all her kids to spend the day with us. The 26th will find me back in Eugene to check on Milano and then on the 27th I am driving up to Portland with my sister. My plane leaves for Maui on the 28th and I get back on Jan. 4th. I miss the first two days of school but it's worth it to me. I can't wait to see Jesse! I miss him so much. Okay...maybe some pictures when I'm moved into my new ROOM!
14 December
tis' the season?
Winter break starts and I am getting ready to go to Sunriver to drink hot chocolate, celebrate being done with finals, go snowboarding and then I get the flu. So, I instead head to Corvallis and hibernate at home for several days while watching season 2 of Gilmore Girls on DVD (my guilty pleasure). Now I’m (almost) all better and get to drive to Eugene super early tomorrow to work all day and Thursday and Saturday at 6am. In between work I plan on getting my Christmas shopping done and going to the gym. Hopefully I don’t have to work on Sunday so I can come home and bake cookies. I get to move into the studio on the 22nd and will probably be working the days before and after Christmas. I bought some new posters from allposters.com to decorate my new room. Don’t have any plans for New Years yet, wanted to go to Maui and visit Jesse for a couple of days but obviously there aren’t any flights available this late. Looks like I’m going to Maui in January though. Notice how I never write anything super juicy in here? That’s for my diary! Or my good friends. Or just myself...
I’m looking forward to winter term, it will be the first term where all my classes are from my major departments. I’m taking a communication history class for journalism, German grammar, and 2 German literature and society classes. If I get my way I will be taking Reporting I (I heard a rumor that its as work-intensive as info-hell, in which case I will be promptly dropping 2 of my classes). I got into the black and white photography class I’ve been wanting to take for several terms now. I get full acess to any darkroom on campus so I can put off my plans of creating my own darkroom until I come back from abroad. I’m going to summer school now so I can hopefully graduate sooner than later. I don’t mind being a fifth year, as most people I know are going to be, it would just be nicer to be a fourth year plus a term or two. The thought of life after college freaks me out, so I’ve been choosing to avoid it.
PS: Ex girlfriends and boyfriends need to fuck off. Let your guy or your girl move on with his or her life and then you can move on with yours too!
I’m looking forward to winter term, it will be the first term where all my classes are from my major departments. I’m taking a communication history class for journalism, German grammar, and 2 German literature and society classes. If I get my way I will be taking Reporting I (I heard a rumor that its as work-intensive as info-hell, in which case I will be promptly dropping 2 of my classes). I got into the black and white photography class I’ve been wanting to take for several terms now. I get full acess to any darkroom on campus so I can put off my plans of creating my own darkroom until I come back from abroad. I’m going to summer school now so I can hopefully graduate sooner than later. I don’t mind being a fifth year, as most people I know are going to be, it would just be nicer to be a fourth year plus a term or two. The thought of life after college freaks me out, so I’ve been choosing to avoid it.
PS: Ex girlfriends and boyfriends need to fuck off. Let your guy or your girl move on with his or her life and then you can move on with yours too!
25 November
mintroyale
What’s new in my life? A lot actually. These past weeks have been crazy. I finally got a job. I work at Abercrombie and will be working over Christmas. So come and visit me! The job is pretty fun so far, everyone there is nice and my boss is pretty hot. And I’m making money!
I got an internship spring term for German. I get to teach German in an elementary school here in Eugene. I also am getting my first article published. It will be online and I will post the link up here when it comes out. I’m applying for a spot as a freelance writer for the Emerald. I am starting a German club here at UO with my friend Julie.
I’m moving into a new room at the end of December. I will have my own studio, complete with bathroom and french doors. I’m going to New England for spring break. Right now it’s only me going, so if anyone wants to join... Going to Sunriver with Julie and some other friends the Saturday after finals. We are renting out a huge house (sleeps 16 or so) and are planning on having parties and snowboarding at Bachelor the whole time. The rest of my break will be divided between Corvallis and working/moving into my new room.
Next term I’m taking all my classes in German except for one, maybe two, journalism classes. Our house is having a Christmas party on the 4th of December. Let me know if you want come. Still moving to Germany in August...I’ll write more later!
I got an internship spring term for German. I get to teach German in an elementary school here in Eugene. I also am getting my first article published. It will be online and I will post the link up here when it comes out. I’m applying for a spot as a freelance writer for the Emerald. I am starting a German club here at UO with my friend Julie.
I’m moving into a new room at the end of December. I will have my own studio, complete with bathroom and french doors. I’m going to New England for spring break. Right now it’s only me going, so if anyone wants to join... Going to Sunriver with Julie and some other friends the Saturday after finals. We are renting out a huge house (sleeps 16 or so) and are planning on having parties and snowboarding at Bachelor the whole time. The rest of my break will be divided between Corvallis and working/moving into my new room.
Next term I’m taking all my classes in German except for one, maybe two, journalism classes. Our house is having a Christmas party on the 4th of December. Let me know if you want come. Still moving to Germany in August...I’ll write more later!
3 November
election
I am devastated beyond words that after all the lies told and mistakes made, that the Bush administration finds itself re-elected, with one of the worst and most conservative “leaders” in America’s history paving the way.
I find it sickening that the majority of Americans are more worried about owning their own gun, keeping taxes low or telling others whether or not they can have an abortion than they are about the future of our country, our children, our environment.Because, let’s face it, if Bush was anti-gun and pro-choice, he would not have won.
What the hell happened to keeping church separate from state?
The amount of red on the map makes me extremely scared of the direction this country is going to take in the next four years.
We had a chance to turn things around and we didn’t take it.
I guarantee America will crumble in the next four years, pushing allies away, restricting women’s rights, rejecting homosexuals rights as human beings, raising the national debt, our economy is going down, down, down. In a country that is so proud of being the best, how can its people vote for an administration that is turning back the clocks on all the hard social work, the suffering and the protesting that has occurred? If I turn out to be wrong and our country does better than it did, say, during the Clinton administration, I will be very impressed. If I turn out to be right and four years from now America is buried in a hole, well, I won’t be around to say “I told you so.”
A country divided will not preserve.
I find it sickening that the majority of Americans are more worried about owning their own gun, keeping taxes low or telling others whether or not they can have an abortion than they are about the future of our country, our children, our environment.Because, let’s face it, if Bush was anti-gun and pro-choice, he would not have won.
What the hell happened to keeping church separate from state?
The amount of red on the map makes me extremely scared of the direction this country is going to take in the next four years.
We had a chance to turn things around and we didn’t take it.
I guarantee America will crumble in the next four years, pushing allies away, restricting women’s rights, rejecting homosexuals rights as human beings, raising the national debt, our economy is going down, down, down. In a country that is so proud of being the best, how can its people vote for an administration that is turning back the clocks on all the hard social work, the suffering and the protesting that has occurred? If I turn out to be wrong and our country does better than it did, say, during the Clinton administration, I will be very impressed. If I turn out to be right and four years from now America is buried in a hole, well, I won’t be around to say “I told you so.”
A country divided will not preserve.
18 October
21
Here are some pictures from the past two (crazy) weeks.
Getting blindfolded
Cake time
Cocktail party
Kerry 2004!
Getting blindfolded
Cake time
Cocktail party
Kerry 2004!
8 October
song
I wanted to write a post but this came out instead.
I wish I knew how to write a song
That could come across and move you
To stare me down with your piercing eyes
But I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling
How can I get you to understand
The bitter sting of regret
Of what I let slip away
And the sorry rain coming down
Making it that much harder to forget
Show me how I get this over
Driving on this winding road
Screaming and shaking inside
I want you to hear me scream
Anguish follows me underneath the sky
All the way to the end
Where the ocean tumbles at my feet
Can you hear me now?
Yeah I wrote this one for you
My heart is catching its breath
Yeah its freezing up in this winter light
I’m falling down, trying to catch up with you
How can I get you to understand
The bitter sting of regret
Of what I let slip away
And the sorry rain coming down
Making it that much harder to forget
Show me how I get this over
(chorous x2)
I wish I knew how to write a song
Yeah I wrote this one for you.
(c) me
I wish I knew how to write a song
That could come across and move you
To stare me down with your piercing eyes
But I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling
How can I get you to understand
The bitter sting of regret
Of what I let slip away
And the sorry rain coming down
Making it that much harder to forget
Show me how I get this over
Driving on this winding road
Screaming and shaking inside
I want you to hear me scream
Anguish follows me underneath the sky
All the way to the end
Where the ocean tumbles at my feet
Can you hear me now?
Yeah I wrote this one for you
My heart is catching its breath
Yeah its freezing up in this winter light
I’m falling down, trying to catch up with you
How can I get you to understand
The bitter sting of regret
Of what I let slip away
And the sorry rain coming down
Making it that much harder to forget
Show me how I get this over
(chorous x2)
I wish I knew how to write a song
Yeah I wrote this one for you.
(c) me
30 September
milano is a bitch
Habit
Today is another day
i want to spend in bed
curled up with a cup of tea
my thoughts wander around
roaming about the room like ghosts
my sense of self stalled for a little while
yeah it’s not that easy to be
so lost and lonely here
it’s not rainbows and sunshine
when the rain is coming down
the roof might cave in
my heart might cave in
if it rains that hard
if it comes down too harsh
hours go by without notice
still laying here in a ball
the teas gone and i long for more
one day is all i need
to break this secluded habit
afternoons light is never gonna shine
(c) me
Highlights: Cocktail party tomorrow, football game Saturday, party at Travis’ Sunday night, photography at Mt. Pishgah!, journalism conference next week, tutoring Travis in German for some reward, my birthday on the 13th, trip to Crater Lake with Dan and Danny, lots of homework, community service...
Today is another day
i want to spend in bed
curled up with a cup of tea
my thoughts wander around
roaming about the room like ghosts
my sense of self stalled for a little while
yeah it’s not that easy to be
so lost and lonely here
it’s not rainbows and sunshine
when the rain is coming down
the roof might cave in
my heart might cave in
if it rains that hard
if it comes down too harsh
hours go by without notice
still laying here in a ball
the teas gone and i long for more
one day is all i need
to break this secluded habit
afternoons light is never gonna shine
(c) me
Highlights: Cocktail party tomorrow, football game Saturday, party at Travis’ Sunday night, photography at Mt. Pishgah!, journalism conference next week, tutoring Travis in German for some reward, my birthday on the 13th, trip to Crater Lake with Dan and Danny, lots of homework, community service...
26 September
bent
I haven’t felt this happy in awhile. Normally before a new academic year starts I get depressed and long for summer. But this year I feel different. I’ve been down in Eugene for a week now and have already seen most of my good friends, been to some good parties, got my room in order and had my petition for journalism granted. To celebrate this important achievement, Marie, Travis and I went to Sweet Life and I had one of their delicious chocolate caramel shortbread cookies. Afterwards, we went over to Travis’ house where he and his four roommates proceeded to start a jam session. Marie and I hung around for a good hour. They played some Dispatch, Starting Line and also some amazing original stuff. I love hearing live music, especially in a tiny garage where you can see and feel every emotion. Playing an instrument is sexy.
My schedule this term is pretty nice. I have early classes this term (9 and 8:30) but I have every afternoon free except for Thursday nights. Not too bad. I’m taking microeconomics, writing for the mass media, German cinema and a geology class. I’m going to make some goals for this school year like I always do. One of them will be to get involved in the journalism department as well as the German department. The other one is to find a guy. There’s got to be one somewhere around here. Ahhhh.
My schedule this term is pretty nice. I have early classes this term (9 and 8:30) but I have every afternoon free except for Thursday nights. Not too bad. I’m taking microeconomics, writing for the mass media, German cinema and a geology class. I’m going to make some goals for this school year like I always do. One of them will be to get involved in the journalism department as well as the German department. The other one is to find a guy. There’s got to be one somewhere around here. Ahhhh.
8 September
hard to ignore
I got back today from Portland after spending almost a week there. I spent the first part with my sister in her new apartment and was quickly shoved out of the door when her boyfriend (and probably, hopefully) her future husband Mike came over for the weekend. The rest of my time was spent with my friend Mhandi in Clackamas. We went to a party Friday night and I decided I should drink myself retarded. I haven’t been that loaded in awhile and woke up the next morning wondering why I thought it was a good idea in the first place. I met a guy named Jesse who would not leave me alone and proceeded to plaster himself to my body in every picture taken. I bonded with two of Mhandi’s guy friends from OSU over computers. “A hot girl who is into computers, unheard of!”
On Labor day Mhandi and I rounded up several of our friends from Portland and went to Seaside. The weather was perfect for a day at the beach. We played tackle football, ate ice cream and walked around Seaside. I’ve never been there before and found it much nicer and cleaner than white-trash Newport or Florence. That pretty much sums up my week and my life. Not much excitement going on. I signed up to do Race for the Cure on the 19th in Portland. After that, I’m moving down to Eugene for good.
My roommates and I are having a cocktail party the first weekend of school, so if you want to go, let me know. You’re invited. And finally, I’m leaving this Friday to visit a friend in Montana. My friend and I are going to drive there and plan to stay till Tuesday. Hopefully we have time to go to Yellowstone.
On Labor day Mhandi and I rounded up several of our friends from Portland and went to Seaside. The weather was perfect for a day at the beach. We played tackle football, ate ice cream and walked around Seaside. I’ve never been there before and found it much nicer and cleaner than white-trash Newport or Florence. That pretty much sums up my week and my life. Not much excitement going on. I signed up to do Race for the Cure on the 19th in Portland. After that, I’m moving down to Eugene for good.
My roommates and I are having a cocktail party the first weekend of school, so if you want to go, let me know. You’re invited. And finally, I’m leaving this Friday to visit a friend in Montana. My friend and I are going to drive there and plan to stay till Tuesday. Hopefully we have time to go to Yellowstone.
1 September
nara
Summer is quickly fading and close friends have already left me for out of state and out of country adventures. But I’m still delighted because...
I got a new camera today that set me back quite a lot but will be worth it...
Vanity Fair opens today...
A new month means a new beginning...
Los Angeles was alot of fun and I got to spend 80 dollars on one meal...
Going back to school in just a couple of weeks...
Might be going to Montana next week...
Started dancing again...
But don't worry, things are far from where I want them to be...
I got a new camera today that set me back quite a lot but will be worth it...
Vanity Fair opens today...
A new month means a new beginning...
Los Angeles was alot of fun and I got to spend 80 dollars on one meal...
Going back to school in just a couple of weeks...
Might be going to Montana next week...
Started dancing again...
But don't worry, things are far from where I want them to be...
27 August
brightlights
Life is supposed to be whatever you make it out to be. You make the decisions, you shed the tears, and you build your own path, unique from everyone around you. At least that’s the way I like to think. But if I control my own destiny, is there room for mistakes and the regrets that result on that path? Because I have made a handful. Most mistakes I can admit and move on. Bad judgement, an inconsideration, stupidity. But then there are those select few that still tug at my conscience and I wonder if they will ever fully dissolve and let me be free. The kind of mistake I made because I was too scared to face the truth. The kind of mistake I made because things seemed too perfect, too crazy and too unplanned. The kind of mistake I made because I was me. I wasn’t ready at that time and looking back, I wish I had been. But I can’t change anything. I don’t get a second chance, do I? I learn to live with some regret inside and a sad smile for the past and a hopeful one for the future. Those few regrets don’t fit on my path, they’re up in the air, waiting to come down. Until they do, I will feel unfree.
14 August
walkaway
Today was spent in my garage painting all the furniture I could get my hands on. I've been having an itch to paint these past couple of days and woke up today, went to the hardware store, got some paint and primer and started. I finished a desk and a night stand that I will take down to Eugene in September. Painting is really therapeutic for me. I'm not the most patient person, so it was challenging to go over every corner and make sure every inch was covered. But it felt really good. I needed to do something like that.
Back in high school, I wrote in a diary-type thing pretty much everyday. It was called Nbook and was on my old computer that I assembled myself. I started Nbook my sophomore year and ended it when I graduated. I had over a hundred pages that I wrote and saved them all on a disk. I wrote about how much I hated my life, how lonely I felt, happy times too, what I did on the weekends, everything. Well, when I went to clean out my desk drawers today, so I could paint the damn things, I discovered the disk was nowhere to be found. Neither were all the letters from my dad or my YM numerology booklet from 7th grade. Someone had thrown everything out. I’m not too happy about that...
In other news, I’m going boating with some friends on Sunday and then going to Portland Monday night to see a friend of friend’s band perform. Should be an interesting couple of days. And I am finally getting an ID on Tuesday. Seems silly because I am turning 21 in two months but I need one so I can go to the Samples concert in September!
Happy Birthday Annie Price! I'm sad I couldn't go to Seattle this year, I'll make it up to you though. You are an amazing individual and I am lucky to have you as a friend.
Back in high school, I wrote in a diary-type thing pretty much everyday. It was called Nbook and was on my old computer that I assembled myself. I started Nbook my sophomore year and ended it when I graduated. I had over a hundred pages that I wrote and saved them all on a disk. I wrote about how much I hated my life, how lonely I felt, happy times too, what I did on the weekends, everything. Well, when I went to clean out my desk drawers today, so I could paint the damn things, I discovered the disk was nowhere to be found. Neither were all the letters from my dad or my YM numerology booklet from 7th grade. Someone had thrown everything out. I’m not too happy about that...
In other news, I’m going boating with some friends on Sunday and then going to Portland Monday night to see a friend of friend’s band perform. Should be an interesting couple of days. And I am finally getting an ID on Tuesday. Seems silly because I am turning 21 in two months but I need one so I can go to the Samples concert in September!
Happy Birthday Annie Price! I'm sad I couldn't go to Seattle this year, I'll make it up to you though. You are an amazing individual and I am lucky to have you as a friend.
11 August
new drunk quote: "i want to piss jesse"
California went well. Ingrid and I spent some time with her Oma, got shown around the Bay Area and went shopping in the city. I bought way too much and am broke until school starts. Summer is way too long. I miss the library, my house and the gym. Since my fantastic bike got stolen my freshman year, I have finally decided to get another one. I'm going to start riding my bike to the food store.
1 August
bay city, baby
